I believe that I'm a miracle................

I've been raising my little sister for over a year and half now... Having my little brother here visiting this week has encouraged me to reflect on our lives since my mom passed away.. So much pain has been filtered into our lives when my mom died. She had breast cancer and lost her battle..I think she was afraid of dying. My mom never completed a Will before she passed. I believe that she didn't want to do that because it meant that she was accepting death.. I'm certain that she was scared and in fear of what would happen to our family, especially my younger siblings.

 For a couple years after her death, a massive war followed. Everyone had an opinion of how they wanted things to go, an opinion of how it should be... For obvious reasons, I was suffering deeply after my mom passed. Being in such a weak state of mind and spirit, I let a lot of events take place that shouldn't have. With that came more suffering, because I was compounding my pain with guilt.. I allowed people to manipulate me and make me feel like I was inadequate, and incapable of taking care of the responsibilities that I should of. I believe part of this is because I come from a small town... So in a lot of ways I felt like a little kid, who was being told what to do by a community of people that had no place dictating my future. But, because I lived in fear and sadness, I felt like I had no voice. So I've kept quit for four years, struggling with all this emotion and pain. Part of being healthy means that you are doing the exercises internally to feed your spirit. When I work out, I’m releasing a lot of pain and fear. It’s a key component to helping me along on my spiritual journey.  

 Everything has been so difficult since my mom died. I have had to encounter and overcome an ongoing court battle over events that are un-necessary. ... Demands that other people have had.. Entitlements that have been created by the illusionary ego that so many people are living in.

 My brother sister and daughter are rolling around laughing and having an awesome time as I write this.. They're being kids as they should be. And, I'm trying to avoid tears... Tears of happiness , because I’m finally realizing that we are going to be ok.  If you would have talked to me two years ago.. I was emotionally and spiritually in a completely different space.. I was broken and hopeless. I was fearful and uncomfortable with my life and my place in it. Simply put I was empty.

 Today, I'm very thankful that I get to raise my little sister.. I was so scared when she first moved in with me. I was full of fear... But today, I'm not fearful of our lives. I'm not fearful when I think about her future... I don't fear anything anymore... What changed you ask? I didn’t want to feel alone anymore.. I didn’t want to cry anymore.. I didn’t want any more pain. So, I got down on my knees and I prayed.

 I believe that I'm a miracle..........